I was lost…but now I’m found.

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum…

KiKi–aka Flibbertigibbet–disappeared off the face of the planet for what ended up being a good year it seems. In terms of my writing, the last thing I really did was a stint in the 2011 Los Angeles cast of “Listen to Your Mother” and as a 2011 BlogHer Voice of the Year in humor. And then *poof* — after over four years of an Internet presence, a hiatus beckoned.

For several reasons.

My intent with my memoir essays has never been for them to exist solely within the online landscape. I wanted to publish them, and Flibbertigibbet was my way of feeling things out and sharpening my skills, so to speak. I decided that I needed to stop and reassess if I wanted to see my goal of publishing my essays through a more traditional means to fruition. I started to organize my essays, write new ones, and assemble them into a book. Unfortunately, and to be completely honest, somewhere in course of this change of direction, I truly lost track of myself and my ambitions…resulting in a need to step away from my writing. And everything else in life. I either needed a good swift kick in the ass or a serious reboot. Or both.

Let’s just say that balancing work, life, love, home, and my creative ambitions blew up in my face for awhile.

Without going much into the story at this moment, London Bridges came a-fallin’ down when I discovered I was pregnant at Thanksgiving. A reboot was very much needed, indeed. And now, in addition to my ten-year-old boy who was needing my love and attention during a difficult time, I had a baby to think of. I had a life to sort out. At first, I had all sorts of plans for blogging about my pregnancy or writing a book about it, but writing ended up not falling into a very high place on the tower of importance when it came down to the step by step process of taking care of my mind, spirit, and body. I knew when the time was right, I would get to that step. But from the beginning of 2012 until her birth on the 23rd of July, my focus was on making sure I was healthy, my son was happy, and my baby girl would be born into a positive and loving environment.

Priorities, priorities…my top priorities remain my children and my little family–focusing on some much needed attention to make us as solid, happy and healthy as can be for our present and our future.

Avery Kristianna, born July 23, 2012

When Avery Kristianna was born, my whole world changed. My entire outlook shifted, my soul lightened. So many things that I had been over-thinking, suddenly clear. Having suffered from depression on and off my whole life gave my doctors a reason to be on heightened alert regarding the possibility of post-postpartum depression. Luckily for me, I have been swinging on the up side of the bi-pole, because I haven’t felt this clear, this calm, this happy, this secure and confident in a wicked long-ass time. This little girl has brought me a joy and purpose I didn’t expect to ever find again. She has brought a joy and purpose to her older brother, and a joy and purpose to her father. Storm clouds have parted and like a death-eater fleeing the scene, any bitterness that I had been possessed with flitted away through the sky. My writing has meaning again. My health is important to me. My relationships I hold dearer than ever before. I have a desire to work, to create, to laugh, to embrace. How is it possible that one tiny little seven pound child could bring such a gift of re-birth to my life? I have had no sleep. And I cherish every stinking, waking moment of it.

I was lost, but now I’m found.

So, here I am. Flibbertigibbet is still somewhat on hiatus. That’s not to say that I won’t post an occasional story or two, but seeing as I have some kick ass writing ideas that I really want to get moving on, and I mentally can’t do it until I finish my essay book, that’s where it’s at. Still, it helps me to have a space where I can write about other things. I can’t promise how Ballsy Broad will evolve, or how long I’ll keep it up. I am starting it to organize my thoughts, to get myself writing with a little accountability, and just get my big broadish balls out there again. I have quite a few goals in terms of my writing, and I’m dedicated to finally getting my shit together and making things work.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.